That Feeling...

What about that feeling? You know it. The one where you wish for something you can't have, and it hurts because you can feel the fierce wanting, but you also feel something pushing you away. Usually it's your mind telling you it's not gonna happen. Other times it just feels like your heart is ripping apart inside you, and you know that if you don't have it you're gonna die. Or at least you wish you would, or that something would happen to make you forget it at all, or that somehow the want would suddenly become a reality. Because either way would be better than feeling that heart ripping sensation for days, weeks, months, or even years.

This feeling comes when I'm just browsing the internet, listening to music, and certain songs come up. Or when I'm at the store and I see little kids with their parents, especially babies. It comes when I least expect it, sneaking up on me. It comes when I'm looking at pictures of my friends, happily married or engaged. It happens when I see something that reminds me of a certain someone. A certain someone I tried making things work with, but things never worked out. Or when someone mentions seeing them, or even just says their name.

It's times like these when I need to remind myself why things didn't work, and that I don't really like that certain someone. That I never really liked him.

Unfortunately, this starts me down another path, one where I realize I'm not going anywhere in life. And that my life has gone way off track from where I meant to go.

So, if anyone knows what I'm talking about, I feel for you. I know what you're going through, and I'm sorry you have to go through it as well. I love you deeply, please know that, even if I don't know you very well or at all.

Love,

<3Claire

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