Between The Lines Of Life

By Clarissa Enos Plagmann It has been 147 days since I started dating my wonderful husband, 109 days since I said yes to marrying him, and ten days since I said yes at the altar and forever altered my life by agreeing to love him for the rest of my life and into the eternities. It wasn't exactly an easy decision. After all, we moved quickly. I was hearing murmurs from people on both sides of the spectrum. Some were saying we were moving too quickly, others were congratulating us on knowing what was right. And in the back of my mind I wondered if I'd gone insane. But then I heard these four words: "Fear is a choice!" Those four words helped me to realize that those doubts I had were out of fear. Fear that it wouldn't work out, fear that I didn't really love him, fear that for whatever reason we'd fall out of love. It was then that I decided to substitute "Fear" for "Love." "Love is a choice!" It is! The chemic...

Love. That strange magic everyone always talks about. The kind of magic people actually believe in, rather than magical... magic... Ahem... Anyway, I'm not sure if I've ever been in love. However, recently I was discussing my writing habits with a new friend. My mom and my aunt both write romance almost exclusively so I've grown up around romance books. I never thought I'd be any good at it, because I've never been in love. But I've always wanted to try my hand at it. I've always thought I had a romance or two in me, but I just didn't feel qualified to write it,  you know? Well, this friend told me to go for it, so I thought I'd kick myself off by writing about my first love/kiss. I wouldn't say it was love. We were really good friends. I really liked him. I think I could have grown to love him, given time. We met the summer following my first official year of college, my second if you count the first unofficial year: Summer 2012. The f...

Well, I'm not sure who even reads this blog, but a friend of mine talked about how he has been avoiding his blog and I realized I haven't written in a while, so I thought I should write something awe-inspiring. However, I'm not that awe-inspiring so I'll probably just update y'all on what I'm doing with my life, or something... Not much has been going on lately. Just school. However, I do have some exciting news- I'm walking next month. I just took some awesome pictures with a friend who is a photographer. Also, end of April or beginning of May I am going to Mexico for the summer. I'll be getting back to the US in August. I'm super excited but really nervous! After that, I'll only have one last class to take here at BYU-Idaho and then I'll be moving to Utah. Honestly, I'm not sure how things will turn out, but I'm excited to see where my life leads. I've made so many amazing life-long friends here at school and I can't wai...

By Claire Enos I love birthdays. I love everything about them! I love turning a new age, I love the newness of it all. And I love the fact that my birthday is a day that's all about me. But, this year I turned 24. That's a big number. Especially for someone who is still in college, and not even dating anyone. So, today for my English Writing Seminar I read a short story by Sherwood Anderson called "Sophistication". The quote that stuck out to me follows: "With all his heart he wants to come close to some other human, touch someone with his hands, be touched by the hand of another. If he prefers that the other be a woman, that is because he believes that a woman will be gentle, that she will understand. He wants, most of all, understanding." This stuck out to me because it somehow struck home in my heart. It touched on a part of my soul. I can wait, I'm patient, but what I'm searching for most of all is someone to understand me. Someone who wil...

Recently, something has been weighing heavily on my mind, and I felt the need to lighten my load. This blog is one way that I have been able to do that in the past, so I am again coming back to it. Today, I'm going to talk relationships. Now, I'm sure I don't have as much experience as many of my friends. However, I have had some experience, and even some is better than none. So, here are a few tips for you as you embark on a relationship: 1. Don't stress. Whoever your significant other is, you already know they like you, and I sure hope you feel the same for them. So, what I'm trying to say is: you don't need to impress them! They're already impressed. You just need to be yourself. If they are the one for you, they will love you no matter what. 2. Take all relationship advice (including and especially mine) knowing that it might not be right for you and your significant other. After all, we all have different experiences. My first relationship wa...

I was going through Pinterest posts and came across a 30 Day Challenge called: 30 Days of Inspiration. Since I hadn't posted on this blog in a while (I've been busy focusing on other blogs lately), I thought I'd do the challenge on this blog. So, the first challenge is: "Be the magic. In what ways can you be the magic in your life and the lives of others?" I think the best and easiest and hardest way (yes it can be all three) is just by being myself. I can be the magic by being myself and not changing who I am for anyone else but me. I think a lot of times we are scared to be ourselves because we're afraid we'll lose our friends, but if a friend is scared away by you being yourself they aren't really a true friend. So, be yourself, no matter what. Find out what being yourself means to you. And then just do it. <3Claire

I started blogging when I was this girl: I've changed a lot though. When that picture was taken I was a soon-to-be high school graduate. I had a year of high school left. I was excited at my prospects in life. I hadn't yet discovered who I was. I thought I had everything figured out, but I didn't. Now, I'm this girl: Nearly 23, learning to accept myself for who I am. Learning that I don't have everything figured out, and even though I only have a year left of college I'm coming to accept that it's alright not to have everything figured out. I'm learning to accept my friends for who they are, and to tell the difference between friends I can count on, and friends who are only around for a season. I am learning what's important in life. I am learning to love. I am genuinely happy, and not just from moment to moment, but all the time. I was me. I am me. And I am becoming me. Past, Present, and Future: All are me! This, is what life is all a...

By Claire Enos I can feel it. I can feel the tugging from all directions. The random comments from friends saying I need to do this or that. The comments from people I don't know saying that a woman needs to do this or that. "Get a job." "Finish your schooling." "Don't worry about dating." "Get a good Career." "Take care of yourself." "Pay off those loans." "No one wants to marry someone in debt." "Choose a better major, you won't be able to get a good career with that one." And, for some reason, I listen. I begin to change my view on life and the things that make me who I am. I start making plans to finish school, go on a mission, go back to school, and work in between. I start worrying about my loans because somehow it might keep me from falling in love and marrying some man I might meet in the future. My whole focus begins to change, from my spiritual goals to my material goals. ...

By Claire Enos A year ago, I never would have imagined that I would be where I am today. Sitting here, blogging, making plans for my future, based on other events that happened to me within the last year which I definitely would not have imagined as well. In fact, I could write a whole post about everything that happened and I still wouldn't be able to cover the whole year. But, this isn't about reminiscing. It's about saying goodbye to my past. Shutting the lid on the 2013 box, and shoving it into the closet. Maybe I'll look back on it one day and laugh, or at the very least smile, remembering all that happened. But for now, it's over and it's time for me to move on. My friend JG and me a little over a year ago, before he left on his mission. I'm going to open a new box. I already have a few things to put into this new box, so I better make it a big one because I plan to put a lot more into that box. I'm going to write 2014 on it, and it's ...

By Claire As I sat down to write this blog post, I realized that I had no idea how to start. I almost opened a new tab and googled how to start a blog post, then I realized that was exactly what I sat down to write about. My inability to think for myself. I've become so used to just having the internet at the tip of my fingers to turn to for "advice." Except I don't really go to google for advice, I go for how I should think. When did this happen? When did I give up thinking for myself in favor of having some super smart person think for me? The answer? I don't know. I don't know when my brain decided to switch off, only working at the lowest levels possible. You want to know why ? It happened gradually over the years. Suddenly, all those articles I read in my English 201 class make a lot more sense. The ones about deep reading, and about how the internet (while definitely having its good points) is slowly killing our deep reading and critical thinking s...

By Claire Enos Past the hurtful words and the insincere remarks is someone hurting, deep inside. The hurtful words and insincere remarks just a barrier. A brick wall if you will, built to protect a broken heart, as it is repaired, painstakingly, over weeks, months, possibly years. And while the heart waits to be completely healed, by the loving touch of one who cares, it can only be taped up waiting for the repairman to show up and take charge. There are still cracks, but maybe-- just maybe-- the heart that has been broken can be repaired, with the hard work of the owner, and a lot of tape. Still, the cracks will show. Some of the heart crumbling from further blows, until it is fortified, not with a wall, but with a glue gun and magic. Slow, calculated magic, here and there, where needed. Until eventually, miraculously, all has been healed. Meanwhile, through the whole process, life has continued on. And the owner, not able to spend every moment working on the heart, must conti...

By Claire Enos As I was reading an article  on seeing past the outward appearances and seeing each other as God sees each of us, I was filled with joy that there are people out there who are compassionate and willing to look past the ugly outside to see the good inside. However, as I read through some of the comments at the end of the article, I was filled with sadness. As people, none of us are perfect. We all have imperfections. My mom can't spell very well, I know people with atrocious grammar (and I'm no where near perfect on that front either). However, my mom and my friends are among the smartest people I know. They've gone to school, some of them have degrees in various areas or are working on getting degrees. It saddens me to know that these people who are very smart are judged based on how poorly they spell or how horrible their grammar is. As an English major I understand the importance of spelling and grammar, and how they can affect how a person is seen. I...

By Claire Enos It's 9/11 again. Never again will that date trigger absolutely nothing, not since that date 12 years ago, when those terrorists attacked our land and brought the death and destruction to us. But I didn't sit down here today in order to write yet another post about 9/11 and how sad it is, and how proud I am to be an American. Nor did I sit down to write about countless other things I could most definitely write full blogs on, such as this article  on humor and anti-mormon jokes, or Obama and Syria, or even racism in general and this video . No, today I sat down to write something that is important in my life right now. So, as I sit down I meditate on how I may find the right words to express those feelings that impress me most about my summer and what I learned is most important to me at this point in my life. I pray to God that I may touch at least one heart with what I have to say. If there is one thing I have learned this summer, it's that no one can ju...

You ever hear of doing a "Random Act of Kindness"? I've heard of it, but as far as I know, I've never actually done one. Yesterday, however, a random person in my apartment complex did one for me. It started to snow while I was in class, and so when I got outside it was snowing pretty hard. I walked home but by the time I got home I was soaked through, my hands were red, I was wearing my only jeans, and my glasses were fogged up and soaked. I had to take my glasses off to see at all, and my vision definitely isn't the best. Chelsey was in the office when I got into the building, and when I mentioned I was wearing my only jeans she told me to grab some extra quarters to dry them. So I grabbed some quarters and headed upstairs to my apartment so I could change out of my clothes (by then I was shivering) and put a load of laundry in the washers. I had to borrow some pajama pants from my roommate and best friend, Meg. Once I was done changing, I put a load in the ...

I have a confession, and many of you already know, but many of you don't: I'm not perfect. I'm not some little Mormon girl who just follows all the rules perfectly and without complaint. If I allowed myself, I'd wear quite a few immodest outfits, and as it is my clothes are right on the border. In fact, I've been told as much before. That is one weakness I'm not ashamed to admit. I have another confession: I don't believe that reading into other religions is horrible. In fact, I do so for fun! I've often believed that if I weren't Mormon, I would definitely be either Buddhist or Wiccan (not necessarily in that order). I believe that many of their guidelines on life and the world around us go right alongside my own beliefs. In fact, I research their practices and beliefs and test them out once in a while, just for fun. Yet another confession: I actually follow horoscopes. Not because I believe they are true, but because they are fun and interestin...

You know those moments where you are so far down and you don't know how you will ever get back up? And all you can think about is how horrible you feel, but then you see a tiny ray of light and you realize that you are the luckiest person in the world because all of a sudden you realize how much you've grown through the whole horrible experience? I just had this experience. I was depressed and in tears over something I did the night before. The thing is, I did what I did because of friends and I realized that if I'd done things the way I wanted to, rather than listening to them things would have turned out a whole lot better. I realized that I tend to rely on my friend's opinions more than my own thoughts and feelings. I ignore myself in favor of what my friends say, and that's not exactly a good thing. My friends don't know what I'm going through or what situation I'm in, no matter how much I tell them they'll never fully understand the situation ...

I decided I should post a goal each week for me to accomplish, as well as a monthly goal. I have no idea what this month's goal should be, but I've decided that my goal this week will involve studying Spanish. My goal is to get on my school library's website and using their language program in order to practice spanish for an hour every day this week. I will post how it is going throughout the week. Have an amazing day and keep an eye out for my post tomorrow on ANWA Founder and Friends about Regrets. <3Claire

You ever feel like you want something so badly, but you don't want to get your hopes up because you're afraid it won't happen and you'll be crushed? And then your friends or family are expecting it to happen and you just have to say you know it won't, because otherwise you'll get your hopes up too high and they'll just crash down around you, but in the process you just seem to be making yourself depressed? I mean, does anyone know where the line is? Between not letting yourself get your hopes crushed but not bringing yourself so far down that you feel depression start to take over? It's like a tight rope act. One push either way and something bad will happen, and there's nothing you can do but not look down, because otherwise it'll push you one way or the other. I feel like that all the time, about the most mundane stuff. It's all fine and dandy to say one thing when you already have what you want me to have. It's even worse when so...

What about that feeling? You know it. The one where you wish for something you can't have, and it hurts because you can feel the fierce wanting, but you also feel something pushing you away. Usually it's your mind telling you it's not gonna happen. Other times it just feels like your heart is ripping apart inside you, and you know that if you don't have it you're gonna die. Or at least you wish you would, or that something would happen to make you forget it at all, or that somehow the want would suddenly become a reality. Because either way would be better than feeling that heart ripping sensation for days, weeks, months, or even years. This feeling comes when I'm just browsing the internet, listening to music, and certain songs come up. Or when I'm at the store and I see little kids with their parents, especially babies. It comes when I least expect it, sneaking up on me. It comes when I'm looking at pictures of my friends, happily married or engaged....

Nothing is so completely depressing, at least in this point in my life, as when my best friend and roommate asks me, "Where did that lid to my pan go to?" And I'm like, "I have absolutely no idea, I do not recall there ever being a lid." Ever since she left me to take care of her stuff and use them, I've been stressing about not losing her stuff and not breaking anything,  because I would have no idea how to tell her what happened. I know she'd want the truth, but I just hate that feeling. I've tried to be really careful and not lose anything or hurt anything, but some things have slipped through the cracks with all my stressing out, and now that she's back and has been going through all her stuff, she finds things missing and she keeps asking me how it happened. The honest answer is I have no idea. I wish I did, but I don't. If I could afford to, I'd replace everything I lost, but of course I'm a poor college student. The s...