Between The Lines Of Life

By Claire Enos The last few months have been tough. I admit it, they've been crazy, hard, heart-wrenching, and possibly the worst months I can remember in my short life. However, they've also been the best, most life-changing months I can ever remember. Sometimes it's crazy to think that the hardest times we endure might lead to the best parts in our lives. I'm convinced that without God in my life, and my faith, I might have gone over the edge several times over. If not for my conviction in the truths I know I might not be sitting here writing this blog. After all, what would have kept me here? Without my faith I wouldn't be so close to my family, I wouldn't be here at school studying English, I wouldn't be learning Spanish, I wouldn't have met the people in my life (present and past) who have made me who I am. The other day, Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts, started playing on my laptop. I love that song, so I started singing along. About h...

By Claire Enos Past the hurtful words and the insincere remarks is someone hurting, deep inside. The hurtful words and insincere remarks just a barrier. A brick wall if you will, built to protect a broken heart, as it is repaired, painstakingly, over weeks, months, possibly years. And while the heart waits to be completely healed, by the loving touch of one who cares, it can only be taped up waiting for the repairman to show up and take charge. There are still cracks, but maybe-- just maybe-- the heart that has been broken can be repaired, with the hard work of the owner, and a lot of tape. Still, the cracks will show. Some of the heart crumbling from further blows, until it is fortified, not with a wall, but with a glue gun and magic. Slow, calculated magic, here and there, where needed. Until eventually, miraculously, all has been healed. Meanwhile, through the whole process, life has continued on. And the owner, not able to spend every moment working on the heart, must conti...

I've been having a really hard time lately, and while it's been one of the worst weeks ever, this summer so far is one of my favorite summers for as long as I can remember. They just keep getting better and better as the years go by. However, this last week has given way to depression and other problems, so I compiled this list of Things I Believe. I thought I'd share it with you, my readers. Thanks for being there for me! What Do I Believe? I believe that everything happens for a reason I believe that I control my destiny I believe that my decisions are mine to make, mistake or not I believe that all people are placed in my path to teach me a lesson, good or bad I believe that sometimes I just need to take a step back, reevaluate, decide whether I'm on the right path, correct or move on based the decision I believe that sometimes what is best for me isn't always the easiest decision to make. But it's still mine to make or ignore, unless others are inv...

You know those moments where you are so far down and you don't know how you will ever get back up? And all you can think about is how horrible you feel, but then you see a tiny ray of light and you realize that you are the luckiest person in the world because all of a sudden you realize how much you've grown through the whole horrible experience? I just had this experience. I was depressed and in tears over something I did the night before. The thing is, I did what I did because of friends and I realized that if I'd done things the way I wanted to, rather than listening to them things would have turned out a whole lot better. I realized that I tend to rely on my friend's opinions more than my own thoughts and feelings. I ignore myself in favor of what my friends say, and that's not exactly a good thing. My friends don't know what I'm going through or what situation I'm in, no matter how much I tell them they'll never fully understand the situation ...

You ever feel like you want something so badly, but you don't want to get your hopes up because you're afraid it won't happen and you'll be crushed? And then your friends or family are expecting it to happen and you just have to say you know it won't, because otherwise you'll get your hopes up too high and they'll just crash down around you, but in the process you just seem to be making yourself depressed? I mean, does anyone know where the line is? Between not letting yourself get your hopes crushed but not bringing yourself so far down that you feel depression start to take over? It's like a tight rope act. One push either way and something bad will happen, and there's nothing you can do but not look down, because otherwise it'll push you one way or the other. I feel like that all the time, about the most mundane stuff. It's all fine and dandy to say one thing when you already have what you want me to have. It's even worse when so...

Nothing is so completely depressing, at least in this point in my life, as when my best friend and roommate asks me, "Where did that lid to my pan go to?" And I'm like, "I have absolutely no idea, I do not recall there ever being a lid." Ever since she left me to take care of her stuff and use them, I've been stressing about not losing her stuff and not breaking anything,  because I would have no idea how to tell her what happened. I know she'd want the truth, but I just hate that feeling. I've tried to be really careful and not lose anything or hurt anything, but some things have slipped through the cracks with all my stressing out, and now that she's back and has been going through all her stuff, she finds things missing and she keeps asking me how it happened. The honest answer is I have no idea. I wish I did, but I don't. If I could afford to, I'd replace everything I lost, but of course I'm a poor college student. The s...

Since no one I want to talk to is on I figure I might as well just write a blog about how I feel. I know I'm always complaining about never dating and all, but the more that I think about it the more it scares me. I mean, there are absolutely no guys around me that I would consider dating. And the guys that have asked me have been guys that make me feel bad. Whenever I mention that I've never been on an actual date, people are always surprised. Why should they be surprised though?! Even my parents are surprised, my younger sister has been on more dates than I have. The more I think about it though the more I don't want to date, I don't feel ready. But what does it take to feel ready? That's the big question... who knows? Maybe I'll find out when I'm up at school in the fall, maybe not. All I know is that I need to let God lead me in the direction I need to go in life, so I'll rely on him and trust that he has a plan for me. That's all I can really do...

I know I'm not alone when I say that many times I feel alone even when I'm not actually alone. But still it feels like I'm all alone in this feeling that I'm all alone even though I'm surrounded by people who know and love me. In fact sometimes I may even go as far as to think that no one truly cares about me at all. Then I remember all those who truly do care about me and who I truly care about and that makes all the difference. They ground me, don't let me wash away on waves of emotions. They protect me from the torrents while at the same time I protect them as best as I can. Family may be the ones who will be there through it all no matter what, the ones who will always be there for you, but friends choose to stand by you no matter what. Just like family you don't choose and friends are the family you choose. I guess this was my way of working through my thoughts and reasoning with myself. But in some way I hope it helps other's who feel the way I f...