Death of Self

"I learned that it was not myself, but only my shadow, that I had lost. I learned that it is better, a thousand-fold, for a proud man to fall and be humbled, than to hold up his head in his pride and fancied innocence. I learned that he that will be a hero, will barely be a man; that he that will be nothing but a doer of his work, is sure of his manhood. In nothing was my ideal lowered, or dimmed, or grown less precious; I only saw it too plainly, to set myself for a moment beside it. Indeed, my ideal soon became my life; whereas, formerly, my life had consisted in a vain attempt to behold, if not my ideal in myself, at least myself in my ideal. Now, however, I took, at first, what perhaps was a mistaken pleasure, in despising and degrading myself. Another self seemed to arise, like a white spirit from a dead man, from the dumb and trampled self of the past. Doubtless, this self must again die and be buried, and again, from its tomb, spring a winged child; but of this my history as yet bears not the record. 

"Self will come to life even in the slaying of self; but there is ever something deeper and stronger than it, which will emerge at least from the unknown abysses of the soul; will it be as a solemn gloom, burning with eyes? or a clear morning after the rain? or a smiling child, that finds itself nowhere, and everywhere?" 

-Phantastes page 295 in The George MacDonald Treasury

 I think paragraph is quite explanatory. However, I would like to say that I enjoyed reading these two paragraphs because it's here that Anodos really learns the meaning of the shadow and the reader fully comprehends what the shadow really is. I loved these two paragraphs and I'm so glad that the ending turned out so well for Anodos. He changed for the better and that's always a good thing. I hope one day to grow as a person to become more like who I am supposed to be.